I’m not going to tell you what I got. But, you’ll see evidence of at least part of it on here shortly

In other news, we have a new president-elect. Obama won, in case you didn’t hear. Regardless of what I think or voted, let me just say that the election made me really sad. I heard people referring to obama as our hope, and even on some cases, as our savior. I also heard Christian people say that we had lost hope.

Obama isn’t our hope. He might make changes and many of them might be good. i hope he does. I hope he’s a champion for people who can’t speak for themselves and that he creates policies that will provide for people who are poor and oppressed. BUT, at the end of the day, he isn’t the hope we need. He isn’t the change we need. At the end of the day, only Christ can save us, change us, and give us real hope.  And I hope that Obama is seeking God’s face as he makes decisions. That’s what I think about the election.

Tomorrow is Sunday. And I plan to spend it resting and celebrating God’s goodness. I love that my church is like a big party of people who love Jesus and want to celebrate Him. After church, I’m gonna go walk around the cemetary by my house and take some pictures of the sweet awesome trees there. And I get to talk to Angie.  What a beautiful day!

And now: I’m going to bed. Nothing like getting eight hours of sleep on a Saturday night!

Now, my name has never been on any of my other mailboxes at any of the other places that I’ve lived. And my mail has always gotten to me at those places. Hmmm.

U City post office, I do not salute you. In fact, I choose to stick my tongue out at you as I drive away from the 15 minute partking spot that I stayed at for 16 minutes.

Action steps: Use a hot pink sharpie to write my name on a piece of paper and tape it to the mailbox.

I went to Kirksville this weekend. It was…well it was what it was. It was pretty overwhelming to me but that’s mostly because of my lack of boundaries. It’s hard when you want to spend a lot of time with everyone but don’t have much time to spend with anyone. But so good to have some face time with some of my bests. I was thinking about it while I was introspecting in the SUB on Saturday morning, and these people are some of my absolute favorites. The about of love I have for them is ridiculous. They have impacted my life in such a way that I couldn’t even begin to explain it in words. They are my peeps. Thos people who love me no matter what I do or say and who understand if I sit down on the chair and burst into tears or if I laugh uncontrollably for no reason or if I say stupid things late at night. They are those guys. They know me…and they love me anyway. i guess I never really realized how good it was to be around them…

I feel like a bullet list of the highlights is in order…not that anybody reads this or cares, but oh well…

• /jogurti/…me trying to figure out how to read the russian words on Devin’s iPod on the way there…turns out i don’t have much aptitude for russian.
• finally seeing cammie and manda in the same place at fall party
• ditching fall party to have a snuggle party at the cammiesarahtasha place
• jumangi…that did happen, right? and chin faces…there are pictures of that happening
• talking to angie while walking around Kirksville and the SUB…I miss walking places
• crying to tasha and sarah and cammie and being blessed by their presence in my life
• LA FUENTE…and so many friends/family to enjoy it with
• taking la fuente salsa home with me
• football game with eliza, matt, and kyle
• kendra, chad, and BABY! I can’t believe they have a kid!
• talking about the gospel with corey
• fashion crisis time with emily and elisabeth
• short, but fabulous trip to the Foleys’
• late night with eliza
• breakfast with amanda
• amanda’s return party at Il Spaz

So good…so many good things that made me smile. And the trip home was quite possibly the most fun trip back from the ville ever. Devin and I had a bit of a mis-adventure and ended up at the Dairy Queen in Montgomery City and I laughed so hard I cried. (“no shirt, no shoes, please use the drive thru”) and then we made fun of Delilah and tried to call in for quite awhile. Good times…good friends…sounds like a good weekend to me.

Today I went on a good prayerwalk that reminded me who God is and how that relates to who I am. I’m trying so hard to be still. That’s difficult for me. Please pray that I rest…

Sorry that this post was basically a laundry list of my lates happenings. Someday i plan to blog about other things. Like leggings. stay tuned…

Sorry, I just got distracted by the fact that JB is sitting here lighting match after match for what looks like no reason. He and Devin just left the room to do something with the match and smoke. As it happens, I’m too lazy to move to the living room to watch whatever it is. It’s ok, I don’t think my presence is very missed in there right now anyway.

I’m not sure what the purpose of this entry is right now except maybe that I don’t really have anything to do and I haven’t written on here for quite awhile or maybe that I have a lot to say. Although, you all probably don’t care much about the stuff I have to say…

Sorry, I got distracted by Abbie coming home and telling us about the meeting she had with some sort of international council thing. And she’s wearing cool jewelry today. So I noted that and commented on it.

I’m wearing red shoes today. It’s like my declaration of fall being here. And it is here. It came so fast! Every year I miss it. Like, I think to myself “this year, I’ll watch it. I’ll breathe in all of the changes and notice every part of it because I love it so much,” and yet, I usually miss it happening. Like, I wake up one day and it’s fall. So today I’m ringing in the new season with my red flats. Saying that kind of makes me miss ben and his red flats.

There’s a lot that I miss about Kirksville. I didn’t really plan on missing it like I do, honestly. I miss Truman, and a lot of friends.  I miss La Fuente. I miss JavaCo and I miss Caramel Apple Cider. Ok, sorry about that little jaunt down memory lane.

I’m happy.  I am right where God wants me. I’ve been learning a lot lately that it really isn’t about my happiness. But I know that I am where I should be. Honestly, to list everything noteworthy that I’ve seen and felt and learned in the past few weeks would be really overwhelming. But I know this: the Lord is good. He is working in the way and the time that He wants to work. God demonstrates His own love for me in this: while i was still sinning, Christ died for me. That’s what it all comes down to, really. And pretty much, that’s my whole life.

I feel like every moment on this adventure changes me just a little bit. Whether I screw up something miserably (which I seem to do a lot lately), do well with something I didn’t plan to do well with, or just have a moment where I am very aware of God’s presence, I feel like I come away changed. It’s kind of overwhelming at times, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So I guess, I’m not me anymore, or at least I’m not the me I was before. It’s ok, I’m a better me. I may not always be smiling and it for sure isn’t always easy to be where I’m at, but I am where He wants me, and He’s taking me where He wants me to go.

This weekend, I’m packing up my things and cleaning my apartment from top to bottom in preparation for the big move. Not to mention frantically trying to spend time with everyone I love here in the Ville. And all of this moving/talking of moving makes me just a tad nostalgic. So…These are the things I found while packing up my room.

• Guacamole the meximole…now, this is not connected to kville at all, but it made me smile.
• A note from Luis to Eliza and I. He met some great argentine twins who wanted to marry us (oh, and they’re in seminary too)
• A joking letter from me to Tasha saying “dear Tasha, I am calling you to Kanakuk. Love, God”
• a scoresheet from a game played with friends. Oh…I lost miserably.
• Multiple cards from Amanda
• notes from Project 1 people. They still encourage me so much.
• A picture of Lauren Dreyer and I hugging after she did my senior salute thing
• a fuzzy pink teddy bear from Cammie
• Black “casey” poster that hung in the living room with KendraJo lived here
• Rose that Patricio gave all the girls from last year’s project
• A letter that i wrote to Eliza in class telling her about WHNC
• poems that I wrote in class for MaryHamera to read
• Birthday card from Ben with a bear skating on the front
• Painting I made that night when Truman was up real late painting
• about a million boxes of tea
• A card from Tasha that started with “once upon a time, there was a princess named Casey…”
• APO letters

It’s kind of weird that this is my last night living in Kirksville. I didn’t really realize that this had become “home.” But oh it has. I have just been walking slowly all day down memory lane. Remembering talks and late night walks and games and movies and music. I almost don’t know what to compare this too. This time in my life has been so vital, so beautiful and so memorable. Oh how I praise God for what He’s done in the last four years since i came here! He’s taken me down this beautiful, adventurous road that I never thought I would go on.

And it’s a little sad to leave. i think it’s just now hitting me that I don’t belong in this place anymore and that I’m going to a new one. So here’s a list of the revelations I had in the last day or so:

• I won’t be going to classes this year. There will be no more Noni berry and blueberry muffins for breakfast while writing notes to eliza.
• I won’t be meeting people in the SUB anymore
• Ministry at Truman will go on without me. There will be small groups and servant team meetings, and people will go sharing, and there will be freshman week…a little weird that I won’t be here for that.
• I’m going to be doing all of those things at a DIFFERENT school
• Eliza will go to class even if i don’t. Cammie will take walks and have people over for dinner, but I won’t be a part of it really. Kendra will make volcano cakes and arroz con leche but not for me. Amanda’s not going to be in St. Louis.
• I will be making new close relationships.
• Matt is going to be in a different town than me.

Holy cow…I’m MOVING to stlouis. WHAT? whoa. I’m QUITTING grad school (at least for now). whoa.

It’s good that Jesus doesn’t change. Because transitions are hard for me and i take great comfort in knowing that He’s the same yesterday and today and forever. I think I’m starting a new series of blog entries called “memories in kville.” stay tuned.

 When i feel lost, it reminds me that He’s the way.

When I feel like no one understands how I feel, He reminds me that He does.

When I feel like no one says the right thing, He reminds me to talk to Him.

When I feel like I don’t fit in, He reminds me that this will never be my home.

When I feel like I don’t have a permanent dwelling, He reminds me that I’m only here for a little while and that He’s preparing a place for me where I’ll be for eternity.

When I feel forgotten, He reminds me that He’s written my name on the palm of His hand.

When i feel weak, He reminds me that He’s strong.

When I feel like everything is changing too fast, He reminds me that He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

My feelings are so deceptive sometimes.

But He uses them to show me truth.

?Cuan grande es El?

Thursday:

• After spending most of the day in airports, I got to MI. Now, the plane ride from MN to MI was very eventful and will probably involve a whole post dedicated to it, but regardless, i was so very excited to be in Michigan finally.
• Blue Nile…Angie and Adam took me to this sweet awesome Ethiopian restaurant where it’s all you and eat and they bring you out a bunch of different dishes. And you get these cool bread-y things that are sort of a cross between a pancake and a crepe (but not sweet). Oh, and I tried Chai tea. Yummm. That is goooood stuff. So, check check, another ethnicity of food has been tried by me.
• I got to share my VACA (my cow?) with them and it turns out they are down with Crusade’s mission and vision. who knew?  
• Stranger than Fiction was good…strange, but good. maybe stranger than fiction…who knows.

Friday:

• Per my request, we visited IKEA. That is just a very very happy place. I bought pink vases and wine glasses (not pink). Angie and I decided to open a bed and breakfast with a cofeeshop connected to it. OH, and later we added a hot tub. I wanted a hot tub garden but Angie has a very small vision for the hot tub part.
• 4th of July BARBECUE! with the best chicken ever…and homemade barbecue sauce and cornbread. seriously, that girl can cook.
• I set off a firecracker called “Peach Flower in Spring.” That made me smile.

Saturday

• Canooing with Angie and Adam = sooooo fun! And I got a bit of a tan
• Another yummy barbecue.
• Cuban Jazz combo band in the park. That was a good time.
• We watched a great movie that started with an “R”.  It was about terrorism and CIA and stuff.

Today:

• Angie and Adam’s church is AMAZING! I loved it a lot. I feel like I learned a lot and have quite a bit to process after the Pastor’s sermon about making lifestyle changes. It turns out that it was exactly what I needed to hear. I also loved being in a place where the presence of God was so obvious and I could tell that the people there were really seeking to honor Him. love it.
• I got to hang out with some of A and A’s friends at Noodles and CO. Good friends + Noodles and company + Jesus + Izze pop = FABULOUS
• The three of us went on the Tour de Bacon.  And it was worth our time. We also went on a tour of the Zingerman’s creamery. I know more about making cheese than I ever thought I could. Seriously, ask me about cheese making…I’m quite impressed by my new understanding of it. OH…and gelato = wonderful! Lemon and Strawberry marry quite well.

Seriously, did I have a fabulous weekend or what? You know, I’m reading “Changes that Heal” and I’ve been struck by the importance of having people in my life who model grace + truth. And who love me. What a blessing it is to be loved. Seeing those two was really great for my heart. God’s given me some great friends, and I just spent a weekend with two of my favorites.

Praise to God…who always knows what we need. Who puts people in our lives to lead us and teach us and encourage us. Such a great system God set up in this whole community thing. Yep, it’s gooooood.

“Yo…ya no soy yo. Por lo menos no soy el mismo yo del anterior” ~ Che Guevara “Motorcycle Diaries”
(basically translates to “I’m not me anymore. At least I’m not the me I was before” and I’m not entirely sure that the spanish is quoted perfectly, but he talks so darned fast in the movie and IMDB only lists quotes in English)

Let me quickly recap for you the reasons why I love Motorcycle Diaries (as if you couldn’t figure it out on your own):

1. A very large chunk of the movie takes place in Chile.  And there’s at least two parts where I remember standing exactly where the story is taking place.
2. Che has always fascinated me (and probably always will).
3. I feel like I identify with so many of the things he says in the movie.
4. I like the motif. You know, telling the story behind the bad guy where we all realize where he came from  and why he is like he is. (I realize that Che isn’t necessarily a bad guy, but if you ask most gringos, that’s how they see him)
5. There’s this little part of me that wonders how I would have reacted if I had seen the things he saw.
6. The movie makes me itchy.

I think the quote I listed at the beginning is my favorite part of the movie because I think I understand what he means. You know, you go through something and when it’s over, you’re like, “wow, I don’t even recognize myself.” There have been so many experiences in my life that have made me say that. I admit that I’m a little over-analytical about changes in me, but I feel like I’ve had a lot of experiences like that over the past few years. The first one was project #1 where I got on a plane to come home and realized that I was not the same person that got on a plane to Chile six weeks before. And then project #2, where I wrote in my journal that I didn’t think it was possible for a person to be changed as much as I had been in such a short amount of time. You know, I overheard my mom talking to a parent whose kid went to kenya with Matt. The other mom asked my mom if there was anything she should know about having a kid go abroad. My mom said, “yeah. he’ll come back a totally changed person. that’s what happened to my daughter.” When the lady got kind of a sad look on her face, my mom said “don’t worry, she changed for the better. I like her better the way she is now.” That’s a memory that will probably always make me smile.

It’s not just projects that have changed me, though.  Grad school changed me, relationships have changed me, and having an adult job for the first time changed me. I’ve read books and seen movies that have changed me. Roommates, friends, even the guys I’ve had crushes on have changed little parts of me. Thinking about this is a little overwhelming. Until I realize that my God is sovereign and good. And that all of these circumstances are simply tools in His strong and loving guiding hand.  What peace comes with knowing that! That even if I don’t recognize myself, my Lord continues to shape me and mold me into the me he wants me to be.

That’s what makes me so sad about Che.  All of that change and all of that passion outside of Christ is not a good situation.  I don’t have any idea what he felt. But I know what I’ve felt about the little injustices that I’ve seen. And I know that it’s completely overwhelming. When I think about the masses of people who don’t know Jesus, or when I think about the racism, poverty, and abuse that happens all over our world (and in my backyard), it starts a fire in me that I’ve never been able to explain to anyone (usually referred to as “itchyness”). But I know that Jesus is in control of that. And I know that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. the only solution to the problems that surround humanity. John Piper said that every problem in humanity is grounded in the fact that we are exchanging the Glory of God for other things in our lives. And that to try to fix the problem in any other way than sharing Christ’s Glory with others and worshipping Him in our own lives is simply placing a band-aid over the wound, not actually healing it. That’s what I think about Che. He saw the problem very clearly, but really missed the boat on the solution.  So much passion and compassion, but outside of Christ this solves nothing. (disclaimer: I don’t claim to know anything about Che as a person and am not trying to judge his relationship or lack thereof with Jesus. Just going by what I see in the movie, which I recognize may not be actual truth).

That’s why I’m glad I’m reading The Fuel and the Flame at the same time I’m thinking about that movie. The movie reminds me so very clearly what the need is. People are hurting. They are poor, wounded, sick, sad, plagued by lonliness and disease, and oppressed.  When Jesus looked out on the crowds, he saw that they were harrassed and helpless. Yep, there’s a real need out there. But the solution is not in a politition or philosophy. The solution is in Jesus Christ, who he is, what he did for us, and how He continues to work. he says it well when He quotes this passage (emphasis added by moi):

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
       because the LORD has anointed me
       to preach good news to the poor.
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
       to proclaim freedom for the captives
       and release from darkness for the prisoners, 

 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn,

 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.

 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
       and restore the places long devastated;
       they will renew the ruined cities
       that have been devastated for generations.

 5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks;
       foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.

 6 And you will be called priests of the LORD,
       you will be named ministers of our God.
       You will feed on the wealth of nations,
       and in their riches you will boast.

 7 Instead of their shame
       my people will receive a double portion,
       and instead of disgrace
       they will rejoice in their inheritance;
       and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,
       and everlasting joy will be theirs.

 8 “For I, the LORD, love justice;
       I hate robbery and iniquity.
       In my faithfulness I will reward them
       and make an everlasting covenant with them.

 9 Their descendants will be known among the nations
       and their offspring among the peoples.
       All who see them will acknowledge
       that they are a people the LORD has blessed.”

 10 I delight greatly in the LORD;
       my soul rejoices in my God.
       For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
       and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
       as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
       and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

 11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up
       and a garden causes seeds to grow,
       so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise
       spring up before all nations.
                                                        Isaiah 61

Sounds like a great solution to me. Overwhelmedness gone. Only a sense of peace that my savior knows the hurt that’s out there and that He heals. That, and a sense of excitement that the Lord wants to use me to proclaim His gospel all over the world and make disciples. Mmm…that’s good.

For the peoples’ sake I cannot be silent
For the world’s sake, I must speak
Because of them, I cannot be afraid
For the nations’ sake, I must not be weak

I have the greatest story of the world to tell
just waiting to be told
A great mission is laid upon my heart
to go forward and be bold

For there are ears that have not heard
and eyes that have not seen
and it is my duty to bring to them
the message of my King

And, on a more entertaining note, here’s one from third grade:

If I could give the world a gift
I would save the trees,
the flowers, and the honey bees
I would walk more than drive in a car
cuz I can walk pretty far

If you’re lucky, I’ll put excerpts from my book on here…it’s so funny!